Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as is becoming in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter against them.

20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they be discouraged.

I like the way Paul gives these instructions. First he tells the wives to be subject, or submit, to their husbands, then he tells the husbands what they must do, which makes them worthy of such trust and devotion. Then he does the same with children. He tells the children to obey and then tells the fathers how to be worthy of that obedience.

In order to fully submit to someone, one needs to be able to trust the person they willingly putting in authority over themselves. The wife needs to be able to trust her husband and to know she is loved and will be taken care of. True submission is from the heart. It's not just the way a person acts. A wife or child can follow the leading of the husband and father, even if they don't like him, but they're only going through the motions. They may feel resentment, and have no respect or love for the man of the home. That is not a true submission. True submission gives from the heart and it is done out of love and respect.

The way a man can have his wife submit willingly out of love and respect for him is for him to treat her in a way that is deserving of such a gift. He must love his wife and not become bitter against her. Let's look at how the words love and bitter are used here from the Greek translation.

Love: a) to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly

Bitter:2) to embitter. exasperate a) render angry, indignant

b) to be embittered, irritated c) to visit with bitterness, to grieve (deal bitterly with)

The husband is to welcome his wife's presence, spend time with her, be fond of her and love her dearly. He is not to treat her with anger, or be harsh with her. Look at the following three texts:

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.

Ephesians 5:28 Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself.

1Peter 3:7 In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.

It's the husband's duty to be willing to defend his wife, keep her safe, treat her with respect, make sure she has food, clothing, and all the other comforts he would need for himself. The husband does this because he loves her and appreciates the special gift God gave him when God gave her to him. When a woman is treated in this way, it melts her heart and she is willing to let the man be the head of the house and submit to him. That's how he won her heart when they were dating and that's how he can keep it for the rest of their lives.

For further reading go to:
Wives Submit
Children Obey
Do Not Commit Adultery
Fidelity in Marriage